Prescience or hope?

 

18^th February 2022. Two weeks ago. That’s when I knew for sure. I knew I wanted to marry you. The day before, the 17^th, when we sat together in that plane from Addis to Dar es Salaam, I knew for sure I was in love with you.

“Insane.” That was your initial description of what was developing between us. You’d said that while acknowledging we were both going to answer to endearments. This was barely 2 weeks after we’d began to fully spend time with each other. And I agree; it was insane. It was bonkers. It was mad, sudden and consuming all at once.

Knucklehead. That’s what I called you at first. Not only because you actually do fit the description in the best way – standing resolute with your principles even amidst swirling distractions - but because I could recognize that in myself as well, even if maybe not as positively as yours. Yes, it really was insane, but if we’re being honest, that’s the only way it was ever going to happen. We’d both probably have instituted mechanisms for defeating what was budding, and ‘logiced’ our way into repressing it, and denying ourselves this beautiful thing we’ve built. (PS, have we built it yet?).

Logic –

“Do you think this would grow to more than we think considering I’m only getting out of a situation?”

“Nah. I think we are both very pragmatic people who will manage it so it doesn’t.”

No, you’re not a prophet darling, (or a Pharisee that sees from far like I do). But you’re one of the clearest thinkers I know. You analyze a situation very quickly, and while you recognize the place of emotions, your decisions and positions are always grounded on logic, and there are few things that endear me to you such as this. You’re absolutely brilliant, and this is me saying it lightly. Maybe in a way, it actually is logical that we come this way, and this far together (again, I hope), considering how much we innately share in common.

And man, you’re absolutely beautiful. Stunningly, breathtakingly beautiful. I spend half the time in your company gazing at you, and smiling sheepishly when you inevitably catch me, in absolute wondrous pleasure, that you’re mine. All mine. That body… that body, Chinenye, the less said here, the better. 

The things you make me do, the things you do for me, your instinctive kindness, easy generosity, and selflessness… these things I’m just as glad to do for you. Slander tea drinkers all day for years, and then find myself looking forward to making you tea almost on a daily basis, and scouring the aisles in foreign malls and dufry shops, searching for new tea flavours I didn’t have. Remember how we carried honey and lemons all the way from Dar to Zanzibar, and even regretted not taking them to Addis?

I'm still not drinking that thing sha.

I’m not surprised at how deeply I fell for you, and so fast. You ticked boxes I didn’t even know I had.

“You’re the braver one in this,” you said. Maybe, but I’m not sure you have any idea how much I also wanted to freak out alongside you when we both fully confronted our feelings that night in Essque Zalu before we left. Because like you, I was scared shitless at how fast it had happened, at how much of myself and my happiness I was going to allow to depend on you and how happy you were. I felt exposed, raw and afraid. Only thing keeping me sane was the realization that this depth of feeling was mutual, and you were just as scared (I’m still going to tease you forever for actually freaking out).

So yeah, if anyone had told me at the turn of the year after exiting where I was, that I’d be this fully into someone else barely weeks later, I’d have konked them on the head, considering how disillusioned  I was back then. But you see, that morning at Slipway, while we had breakfast and I kept staring and making you smile, that was when I knew for sure that I’d be absolutely happy spending the rest of my life with you. That’s why I was only half laughing when Peace called me “Nnuku Ogo” as a joke. I knew I wanted that title already, then. I’m glad I get a chance to answer to that (I hope)! When I sent this pic to a couple of my friends, I knew. I always did.

It's been a whirlwind. Intense, breathless, crazy yet beautiful (have we fought yet?). I haven’t caught my breath yet, and honestly, I have no intentions of ever doing so.

I love you somewhat crazily, Chinenye Marian Njoku, and I hope I get to do forever with you.